When 'prayers' go waste

How far can you go with your faith? What matters you more- your child's happiness or the fear of being labelled blasphemous? Who's fault is it when a religion that preaches love and compassion becomes the cause for the death of an innocent child? Would you as a mother/father or brother/sister prefer to loose your child or sibling;  or accept him the way he/she is? What would you value more- your hatred for a person's most innate desires inherited from birth, or the purity of his or her's soul? How right is to tell a person that god hates him/her/T just because he/she/T is different from others?

So yeah I like to watch serious, subtle and sensible cinema but I am sure not into documentaries and serious biopics. But since this one came across as one of the highly recommended movies on several IMDb links, and I liked the central idea of challenging age old religious norms, I decided to download and watch it.

'Prayers for Bobby' tells the real life story of Mary Griffith, an american LGBT rights activist who lost her teenage son due to her homophobia arising out of her bigoted and orthodox religious views. Mary being an orthodox Christian tells her son that his temptations were sinful as per the bible, and it was necessary for him to get healed with the help of  prayers. Thus begins Bobby's ordeal. Unable to cope with the struggle between his sexuality and cravings to receive love and acceptance from his mother, Bobby ends his life. It is then Mary starts searching for answers to why she, despite being faithful to god, and Bobby, despite being a noble soul had to suffer this fate.

The film raises very pertinent questions over the hypocrisy of conservative societies. It's unfortunate that these societies are so adamant against adapting to new or rather relatively lesser known things. Result, millions of people suffer silently. Millions of cries, stifled cruelly. People follow centuries old certain written or set norms. They fail to see the point that these rules were made, written and interpreted by persons. They are no rules of nature. The same rules can be or rather should be interpreted and adjusted as per the need of present time. If only the bigots paid more importance to expanding their own wisdom and knowledge, and learning and understanding lesser known things, instead of blatantly rejecting them, they would actually make a huge difference to the world.

Unrestricted

When the winter is gone, and the spring is new
Sun's first ray sees in reflection in the dew
Lights splits up to pull the sky below
You, and I, rest under the rainbow

When the little sparrow's wings hide the mighty sun
The green grass under the feet heals the deplorable burn
Fear is something we never come across,
As you hold my hand before the pious cross

When snow dismantles into pure drops of water
Flows like an individual river, each is ice's mercurial daughter
Leaves move close to each other as the wind flows
You and I kiss, holding the luminescent white rose

When senses perceive sky and land's eternal embrace
The air gets impregnated with mud and rain's aromatic grace
Like two unadulterated flames consummate to become one fire
You drown me in the passion of your love, on the bed lake of desire

When pride is as proud as a lion's roar
And the pride has all the animals walking to the happiness' door
Nature becomes the sole controller of life and deaths
I spend my life listening to your heart, under your breath

India's Unfair Obsession

Psychology might seem to be a boring subject to most of us. However, one might find it interesting, if one decides to delve deeper into the amusing complexities of the mind of a typical Indian. Somehow, one can guarantee that a typical Indian mind would come second after a female mind, at being ludicrously complex. One such flummoxing complexity of a typical Indian mindset is it’s obsession with fairness. It is appalling to see the hypocricy of the people who hailed Barack Obama’s election as the US president, as historic, have a strong fetish for white skin; or to put it in more indigenous words the ‘gora rang’. Strange that the mindset which prefers it’s room’s walls painted in different hues rather than a simple whitewash, goes crazy after any white skinned wannabe coming to India for petty roles in Bollywood films or even a porn star residing in a house filled with bunch of uncivilized and badly brought up adults.

From matrimonial classifieds to television content, Indians’ contorted mentality’s love for fairness speaks for itself. It’s quite explicable that any Indian family would want a smart, educated, homely bride for their son, but what is flabbergasting is the presence of the ‘fairness’ clause right at the beginning of the matrimonial ad. It would probably end up being an infinite inconclusive thesis for research- how does fairness of a girl comes to the use of her in-laws. Given how sanctimonious we Indians become when it comes to marriages, who knows if fairness is just another measure to judge a girl’s chastity.

The other prominent aspect of showing the ‘fairly’ naive mindsets of the fairness lovers are these fairness creams and their advertisements. All right, when Rin or Tide commercials talk about giving your clothes a snow white look, it is still digestible. But when there are commercials of toilet soaps claiming to give you a fair skin, it is not amusing, it is but rather bizarre. Anyone in his or her right mind would know that soaps do the work of washing away all the dirt from the body. The more hilarious thing is that now even some face wash gels are coming up with the same kind of claims. Wonder what theory of complexion these ad makers studied in junior classes. That the melanins, the pigments which give colour to the skin are stuck superficially and can be washed away?   So it seems that these face wash and soaps basically compete for the position of the best anti adhesive against the wretched melanin. Such bizarre claims change from hilarious to wrath evoking when they link fairness gained by their creams to self confidence and personality development.  Strange how these ad makers never feel embarrassed at their stupid attempt to prove wrong  and belittle the writers of the various self help books wrong, by claiming that the fairness gained by their creams increases the self confidence or morale of the person.

Anyway, it is shameful for a sensible Indian to see how so many Indians get fooled by the ludicrous claims.  We also have some anti wrinkle creams that allure you by giving this added benefit of fairness. As if the ‘Botox in a box’ claim was less exaggerated, eh?

Girls wooed, the next target are the dandy dudes. Tall, dark and handsome is a passe’, anyway. How ironical that the ageing superstar who dies his greying hair black, advices men to use fairness cream, so that the neighbourhood girls can croon ‘hi handsome, hi handsome’. And we also have a cricketer who positions his fairness cream as an off the field performance enhancer, giving viewers a clear confusion if he is actually campaigning for fairness creams or some new Emraan Hashmi brand of aphrodisiacs.

Even after experiencing the zero truthfulness of these various mix of bleach which often harms the skin; Indians love to shell out money on them more willingly them on seasonal fruits.

This kind of naiveté is nothing but deeply saddening. On one hand we advocate the supremacy of the inner composition of a person over their outer composition, and on the other hand fairness becomes the only thing that matters to us, disregarding the aesthetics and ethics of a person. It is so weird that people often mention that a person is not fair or has ‘sanwala rang’ while admiring the beauty of a dark complexioned person. Is being fair a precursor to being beautiful? Certainly , a thoughtful person would not hesitate to call a person with a preference or likeness for fairness, as shallow. The issue, however small creates a socio-psychological divide in our primarily conservative society, where we are still struggling to equalise the gender ratio. To become a pragmatic nation with a modern outlook towards economical and infrastructural growth, Indians shall have to leave such petty fervours like fairness, behind. And as they say, one should never leave hope; I too hope that I’ll soon see the change coming,  with the appearance of the counterpart of ‘no-caste bar’ section of the matrimonial, in the form of ‘no colour bar’.  
 

Babri and Beyond- Are we ready to move on?

** This is the unedited version of my article published in 'The Statement'  my department magazine's 2011 issue**

“God can be kept in the solitary confinement of four walls”. The blasphemous nature of this statement would sure have an army of self appointed guardians of religion up in arms. But on the other hand there are these same people who have kept the country in an unnecessary crisis for over a century, leading to the bloodshed of thousands of innocents; just to get their “respective lords” confined within four walls.

The Babri Masjid that stood on the old and tired soils of Ayodhya until 6^th December 1992, has been the bone of contention between the Hindus and the Muslims for almost over two centuries. The disputed structure, which owing to its religious value should have been a place for seeking self realization, unfortunately became a reason for the loss of several lives due to the shallow mindedness of certain sections of both the religions.

The Britishers successfully used Babri to propagate their policy of ‘divide and rule’. Later it was the power hungry Indian politicians who used it for the same purpose. The major religious tension which started with minor skirmishes in and around the district of Faizabad grew up to become the reason behind something as detestable as the Godhra riots over a time period of few decades only. All this just because of the rigid and shallow mentality of certain people who vehemently tend to ignore the omnipresence of God; something that is preached by the scriptures of both the religions.

The Indian politicians, who should have thrived to make the secular fabric of the country stronger, post independence; gave impetus to the whole issue, instigated the masses to a peak of pandemonium and brought the nation to a civil war like situation to get their political motives served.

Now even after almost two decades of the demolition of the Babri Mosque, politicians from all the parties continue to stir this simmering cauldron just to gain the maximum possible political mileage. Sentiment arousing statements, blame games and mud slinging make the whole picture as despicable as it can be imagined. The ones allegedly involved in the demolition of the disputed structure and the ones claiming to be the champions of Babri Mosque and hence secularism, are both hands in gloves in the matter and therefore none out of them is a saint. Camouflaging themselves behind their respective masks of Hindutva and Secularism, both of them just have an intention of grabbing the big seat of political power by making the Babri issue as a ladder upto the coveted spot. The interesting thing here is that none are actually themselves following the ideologies they supposedly claim to propagate in public. Had they done so, such unfortunate events would have never occurred.

No one can deny the fact that in this time when India is at the threshold to create its own niche in the global affairs, there are other imperative issues which need to be sorted out. It is indeed pitiful and at the same time shocking that even in this crucial gestation period, our politicians are busy wasting hours and energy over creating vote banks by the means of the whole issue.

But why blame the politicians alone. The Indian media is nowhere even near to being pious when it comes to creating frenzied sentiments over the Babri issue. Yes the media, which is the fourth estate of our great constitution, has effectively used the issue to emerge victorious in the skewed game of TRPs. With heated debates in the news rooms, live coverage of even each and every bird flying inside the court on the days of hearing and loud and screaming broadcast of every statement made by the leaders, media has done it all that could create hysteria capable enough of arousing a religious fervour in a very wrong direction. It’s for sure that any sensible person would be out of adjectives to show their contempt towards such acts of immaturity.

Unfortunately, the much neglected truth is that the pertinence of the whole issue does not lie in dragging it on for centuries and ages by even trying to find out who was at fault or whether what happened on 6^th December 1992 was right or wrong. It quintessentially lies in finding out the best amicable solution to this big conundrum. It should not be that difficult for the masses to fathom that it’s high time the politicians stop using Babri as a political tool.

If not everyone, then at least the pragmatic youth of the twenty first century India should let the bygone be bygone. It would not at all be prudent and in the interest of the nation to go for a reminder of the bitter past, time and again; and at least the youth must understand this. They should make their best possible efforts to restore back the lost harmony and reinstate the formation of a peaceful social structure which makes sure that such incidents are not repeated in future. Because the India which lies beyond the Babri and other related issues, is the one which is ready to unleash its potential and become a harbinger of a new renaissance in the word. And this is possible only if the youth wants and strives. Now the onus completely lies on them. The question is, are they ready for the big task???

Harrasment, oops Assessment Week Story

Disclaimer 1: This write up does not glorify cheating or any other unlawful method used during exams.


Disclaimer 2: The write up has not been edited before posting. Please ignore the grammatical errors and typos.


2:00 PM 
Me: I slept for just four hours last night. I should probably sleep for two hours and start studying for tomorrow's tests from 4.
4:00 PM, Alarm rings
Me (half asleep): I think starting from 5 wont do much harm. I anyway have whole night to prepare for tomorrow.
Wakes up at 6 finally
Search for book and place them on my bed.
Mum (As I am about to decide which one to pick first.) :Can you pls make a nice cup of coffee.
Me: I have to study. (In my mind: Damn, I can't even tell her that my exams are going. Wont be able to fb freely)
Mum: It would hardly take ten minutes.
Me (again in my mind): Gosh, I am already starting late, but damn it, I want coffee.

Finally at 7.
Me: Fuck, I don't know the syllabus.
Msg friends. "Guys, pls koi syllanbus bta do kal ka"
Garima Garg
replies after half an hour. I FB till then.
Read the msg and smile. (In my mind: That sounds easy. I'll be able to finish by 3 am)
Pick OR book thinking it has just numerical, once I get their trick I'll be equipped enough to pass.
Spend an hour trying to gauge how those numbers dangling in air, save economists from mental deficits.
Me: Fuck this. I will go to another subject. Btw, did I read it right that this OR topic is called Simplex and not complex?
Pick Macro now. Count the number of pages.
Me: Shit!!! 60 pages. And these Macro questions papers always have the topics from anywhere between to end. And to understand them, I'll have to go through all these initial ones first. Well chuck it then, I have Shailja sitting before me.
Pick OB. Count number of pages.
Me: Only 35 pages. Anyway, I just need to mug up only the subheadings, rest any story can be written under the hood of explanation. Will keep this for metro. Not worth enough to waste my precious preparation hours.
Check time.
Me: It's 8:30 and all I need to study is IFS. Just one subject. Two hours are enough.
Call Shraddha to take advice on how to prepare. She is herself confused. Start discussing the demerits of assessment week and hang up after 15 minutes.
Go for internal and eternal ablutions. Raid the kitchen. Ask mom to prepare dinner quickly. Other random activities.
Come back. Pick IFS book.
Mom: Come for dinner. Its ready.
Check time. 9:30.
Have dinner. Engage in random stuff. Time is now 11.
Think of picking the IFS book. Flip pages. Feel sleepy. Go wash face.
Me: Its 11. Just a two hours deal this thing is. Will start at 11:15 after checking my FB updates.
See feeds. First one a photograph by We owe JK Rowling our childhood.
Me: Another amazing Voldermort nose joke pick, sharing this.
The second feed by the same page is a photograph of toddler Emma Watson and Tom Felton.
Me: Awww this is so cute. Let me check all the pics in the albums.
Start checking all the picks. Like every alternate. This continues till 12. No more sleepy now.
Me: God, I need to log out.
Go to homepage. See a ROFLing post by a friend and the discussion under it.
Me: I'll just post this one comment and logout to study.
Comment. About to click logout when notification appears below.
Go directly to the post. Become active part of the discussion.
At 1
Me: Shit!! I am finally logging out now.
Log out.
Me: Let me just quickly IMDb HIMYM's next episode. Will hardly take 10 mins and then I'll go study.
See links of some films below the page. And thus begins the IMDb raid.
At 2
Go to Piratebay. Search torrents for some of the films. Put one of them to download. Switch off the screen. Go to drink water.
Pick IFS book. Check the inbox for syllabus. Msg already deleted. Text Trishala asking the syllabus.
Trishala texts the syllabus followed by "Apoorv bahut jaldi nahi pooch liya tune?"
Go to the chapter.Read the first page. Move to the first line of second. Get reminded of some film. Start thinking about it. Remember some conversation with someone. Start imaging some alternate conversation to it. Thoughts continue to jump from films to conversation.
Clock strikes 3
Me: Damn!! I was planning to study till 3 and it's already the time.
Start reading the second page. Realise it's not a two hour deal.
Me: Will study till 7.
3:15 am
Not even halfway through second page. Feel very sleepy.
Me: Cmon dude, you have to pull it till the morning someone. Just a matter of one day. From tomorrow I wont be this laid back and finish everything early.
5 mins later
Me: Maybe I should just sleep for an hour and then wake up and start studying.
Put alarms for 4, 4:30, 5, 5:30, 6, 6:30 and 7. Go to sleep.
Hear an alarm at 5. Switch it off.
Me: I'll start at 6.
Hear another alarm at 6:30.
Me: Fuck!! I am so damn late. No use of getting up now.
Go back to sleep. Wake finally at 7:30. Get ready. Leave for college at 8:30.
Mom: Why do you go so late to college, these days.
Me: No first lecture mamma. JK takes them and she hardly comes.

Board the metro. Take out IFS book. Start reading.
Reach NSP.
Me: Shit!! Could read only two pages. Anyway, I have Shailja sitting before me.

Enter examination room.
Me: Damn!! Why the hell is Neha the invigilator here. Neither she gives marks nor she lets us cheat.
Manisha mam enters.
Me: Chalo, atleast she wont stop us much from cheating.
Excitement among students. Commotion.
Manish (screams): Yesssssssssss.

First paper distributed.
Me: Shailja sarak udhar. Tepna hai mujhe tera pura paper. Kuch nahi aata mujhe aaj.
In know time I am sitting with just half half of my butt on the chair. Body half bent forward. Trying to peep into Shailja's paper from every hole and angle possible.
Neha: Apoorv, apne paper pe concentrate kro.
Smile shyly and sit back normally.
Write whatever I can see. Next paper distributed. First submitted.
Waiting for Shailja to start. Looking at the question paper with intense expressions every time a teacher sees me sitting idle.
After 5 mins.
Shailja. First wala aata hai? Mujhe kuch nahi aata isme.
Me: I was dependent on you.
Ask senior sitting beside for help. He tells a point or two. The whole test goes in quest for answers from wherever possible.
Next test starts. Shailja knows the answers this time. Back to the ever-so-comfortable cheating posture. Start copying Shailja's answers.
Manisha mam: Apoorv, would you like to sit with Shailja?
Me: Mam, please.
Laugh shamelessly and get back to the normal posture.
Third paper gets over. Last one distributed.
Me: Thank god, last.
Amisha mam enters as Neha mam leaves.
I am ofcourse in my cheating posture, copying from Shailja.
Amisha mam: Apoorv, xerox kra ke de du uski answersheet?
I smile shamelessly and go back to the normal posture.
Back to the cheating posture in two minutes.
Amisha mam (with serious expressions): Apoorv don't you think it's heights now?
Again the same shameless smile. Go back to normal posture.
Check my answer script. Consists of some random numbers copied from Shailja's paper. Meaning completely incomprehensible to me.
See Manvi whispering something to Shailja. Look at Abhishek. He smiles and get back to working on his paper.
Look at Garima. She is attempting the paper seriously.
Look at Aman. He's packing his stuff to submit the paper and leave.
I do the same thing. Both submit the paper and get out of the room.
Outside.
Aman: Kya gand tha?
Me: Completely fucked up. Par chhod na, pata hai maine kal raat kaunsi film download ki?
Aman: Kaunsi? Maine bhi kal Agneepath download ki. Aaj dekhunga..

Ten minutes later. Everyone is outside. Discussing the papers.
Someone: Dude, take this yesterday's OR answersheet of yours.

Me: Wow!! I get 1 out of 15. Time to go to the dustbin.
Go to the dustbin. Tear answer sheets into micro bits and chuck them in the dustbin. Experience orgasm like pleasure.
Abhishek (in a rhetorical tone): Saley tu kaise cheating karta hai?
Others second him.
Leave after 10 mins. Reach NSP metro station platform. Hop on the metro.
Me: Today I'll surely start studying at 4 for tomorrow's tests. Btw I think I should ask the syllabus for tomorrow. Chalo, will ask at 4 only......... 

O Mein Souverän

You are my pleasure
My ultimate treasure
Not a commoner for me you are
But some big sought after superstar
A feeling so strong and divine
Nowhere in the world would anyone find
That you are for me.
And a portrait surpassing all canvases,
whose holiness washes off all trespasses.
A land so rich and pure,
happiness to everyone for sure.
A soothing touch that heals every wound.
The comfort of your hug can be nowhere found.
Retards like me who do nothing but errors.
Pained, bruised and traumatised by unknown terrors.
Get unknowingly blessed to have you in life.
And just the feeling of you being the essence of their life,
rids them of baggage, 
bring them cheers,
wipes their tears;
heals them without a bandage.
And makes them wish to get lost in your arms for eternity
let you have right over their sovereignty

The Gift of Loving

There's something that draws me to you

Don't know if this is love,

but there's something that makes me concerned for you

Don't know if this is love, because I don't know what is love.

Still i feel jealous when you talk to others,

Feel guilty when you look solemn,sad or hurt,

And betrayed when you behave like a stranger

Now people call them signs of love.

I know how naive I am when it comes to romance.

So i just wish I could reach out to your mind.

But also,i need to reach out to my own mind first.

I love to take care of your small little things,

Silently watch you smile from the corner of my eyes,

And gaze in your intense eyes when no one around is watching.

May be that's from where i can lure out a solution to my conundrum like emotions.

Because i know behind the curtain of your subtleness lies a world of mysterious beauty.

A mystery which i am unable to comprehend,

And till i dont know it, i think i wont be able to love you.

Or may be i am too unacceptable for you,

And that explains why i feel so condescending for myself.

So as these might be my first steps towards loving you,

I need to realise that the buck stops here.

Its destination is something that does not exist for me.

I wonder if this harsh truth would stop me from caring for you, liking you and being there for you!!

And the answer is 'No', ofcourse.

I know that expecting love in return from you would make me feel more condescending.

All this may be for the sake of this earlier illusion that you liked me,

Or perhaps because love is not a service that comes with terms and conditions

And it's not that i am getting nothing in return of loving you.

You're giving me something inadvertently and unknowingly.

You're giving me the much awaited, much desired change in myself that i always wanted,

And i am liking every bit of it.

So loving you, if it actually is, brings me at peace with myself.